No one ever deserves to put you down for the content you create. This is how to deal with haters and rise above the norm.
I was browsing my Instagram account about a year ago and saw that I received a message from someone who also loves reading business and self-development books. Better yet this person was also an expat living in Indonesia. Let’s call him Pat. Pat invited me to meet up with him in Surabaya for dinner and a discussion. I was pumped up because there are not many people who are interested in both reading and self-development. Little did I know that a year after our first meeting Pat turned out to be a hater. Here’s how I learned why we need haters how to deal with them.
Here’s what happened
After meeting up with Pat the first time we started hanging out every weekend. When we met up we always talked about business, dreams, and goals. I personally enjoyed these hangouts quite a bit but after what Pat started doing to me just nine months later makes me think he didn’t really enjoy our meetings as much as I did. There’s no way for me to know exactly what was going through his mind.
On many occasions, we made videos together and started to do a podcast. Neither got very far at all as Pat seemed to be going from one idea to the next in a very short amount of time. I believe he was and is still searching for his true purpose in life. We all are though, aren’t we? One other reason why these videos and podcasts didn’t go very far is that I think Pat thought I was stupid. Maybe stupid to think I could succeed at doing business or motivating people to read. I don’t completely know why he thought I was stupid but obviously, I’m not. At times I caught him staring at me when he thought I wasn’t looking. His expression was blank with his lips partially parted as if to say ‘You’re an idiot. Why am I talking about business with you when you know nothing?’. Not true.
Warning signs: Pat is part of the haters club
Pat opened up to me about his life on many occasions yet I didn’t feel like he appreciated how far I’ve come in this world. The reason I say this is because usually when you share something with a trusted friend they will make useful comments about it rather than just ignore you.
Friends usually support each other’s endeavors especially if their endeavors are similar. I was always liking and commenting on Pat’s social media posts to show him my support. We stopped hanging out towards the end of our friendship (the last three months) not because I wanted to stop but because every time I invited him out he was busy.
Another strange thing was that Pat would always look at my content but NEVER like or give positive feedback. Only negative feedback. This bothered me a lot not because he wasn’t liking (I could care less) my stuff but because of what he was saying to me. He said things like:
- ‘It’s like you’re a mother of one trying to teach a single mother of four.’
- ‘You are being fake.‘
- ‘Learn how to do things 100%.’
Those three examples of how he hurt me are just the tip of the iceberg!
This is obvious haters talk. No true friend, no matter how close, would say such harsh things. To top things off, one, we had planned to celebrate our birthdays in October together but he had canceled without warning. Canceled, not postponed, then totally forgot to wish me a happy birthday. Two, I tried to meet up with him after things got bad to sort things out between us. He told me the day before that he would meet up then he STOOD ME UP on the day of. No explanation at all.
In the end, Pat became one of the HATERS but I became a WINNER
This may seem childish to some of you, but honestly, I could not help but feel down when Pat said these things to me. It could have been worse of course. Much worse. The reason why I eventually blocked Pat from my life is because I felt like he was poisoning me with his continuous negative comments about who I truly am: A person who wants to help others achieve their dreams through reading self-development books. That is my purpose and no one can change that.
The ironic thing about all this is that Pat also read self-development books yet look at his behavior. Self-development books promote kindness, sharing, and working together. Never have I read a self-development book which tells you to put someone down.
I came out on top though because I realized that there are so many people on Instagram and this website who learn a lot from the content I produce and the workshops I run. Many people have DMed me to say how much they appreciate me for motivating them to read and learn continually.
A Lesson Learned: If someone is poisoning you, cut them out of your life. Do NOT let anyone get in the way of your success or tell you what to do. Only you can do that. I learned that people do care about me and that my content does make a difference. I plan on continuing to make a difference in other people’s lives no matter how big or small. I’m shooting for the stars and I hope you do too!
Why You Need Haters
Although being hated upon doesn’t ever feel good, haters are a necessary evil. Just like the quote above if you don’t have any haters at all that means you haven’t reached success. People get jealous because of what others have or have done. That’s the reason why they hate on you, or maybe it’s because they hate the life situation they’re in right now so they have to pick on someone else to try and make themselves feel better. If you’re in the public eye online or offline you are bound to get at least a few haters.
Best of all, haters usually bring publicity. Any sort of publicity can turn into a good thing as long as you still have more lovers than haters.
They also enable you to have a stronger sense of purpose because you know what you’re doing is right, and if it’s right you must keep on going.
‘…there’s no such thing as bad press. If people are talking about you, they are talking about you, no matter what they say.’ – New Internet Order. You have to look at it the other way around too. If you have too many haters and not many lovers then you’re probably doing something wrong and should reevaluate how you’re doing things.
Learn From Your Haters
Lastly, you should take the opportunity to learn all you can from the people hating on you and turn what you take from their comments into a positive. However, don’t take anything they say personally though because remember these people only hate themselves, not you.
I’m going to give you one last example from my own experience which helped me to formulate a solid filter behind everything I do. Pat told me I was being fake. I took that terrible comment and turned it into a positive by taking a step back each time I get in front of the camera, keyboard, or audience and ask myself these three questions:
- Is this content going to help my potential clients?
- Am I putting my full heart into this?
- Am I just producing this content for the heck of it or does it truly have a purpose?
I hope my experience can help you get through what sometimes can be very tough dealing with people putting you down. Take my advice how you’d like it. Apply it. Most of all continue doing what you love and know is the right thing.